i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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