I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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