You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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