shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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