I will die if light touches me.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
