i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
