you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
