I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
