it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
