Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
