You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
