Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
