No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
