Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
