I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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