We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
