She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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