I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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