I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
