if you like me you must not know who I am
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
