He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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