i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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