She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
