i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
