I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
