stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
