Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
