i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i drank out of a bidet.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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