she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
