I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
