My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize