dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
