i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
