I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
