this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
