Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You've changed since you got that strap on
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
