I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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