I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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