If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
