His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
