I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
