How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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