I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I believe in your delicious
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
