Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
