Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
