Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
