i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
