grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
