I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
