Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
