dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Acid is not a monday night drug
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
