I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
