so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
