Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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