my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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