marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
