just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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