I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
