I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize