i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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