A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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