i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
