Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
