I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
