Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
