Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
