I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
