SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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