Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
