make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
