Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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