Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
