I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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