You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
