Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My penis needs a shock collar
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
