tell your sister to shave her snatch
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
