Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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