Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
