I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my poor anus
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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