Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
