The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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