i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
